Since childhood, I’ve heard how weird, ugly, stupid, fat, and worthless I am. That sucks, but what’s worse is that I internalized all of that garbage. I’m 36 years old (I know, J, almost 37) and I’m still struggling with all of this. That’s unacceptable. I need to put this behind me. I’ve made progress recognizing all of this is crap on an intellectual level, but emotionally, at bad times, I still believe I have the same worth as dirt.
When I first heard the expression “comfortable in your own skin”, I thought it described a wonderful way to live. How perfect, to accept who you are, good and bad, and just live your life. I’ve aspired to be comfortable in my own skin, but it’s been slow going.
So, I’m going to work on accepting myself. There’s all the crap specific people have told me, there’s the crap I’ve told myself, and then there are the ways in which I violate societal standards. Obviously, there’s a lot of overlap in these categories, but I think addressing how I “fail” as an American citizen will be most interesting. The areas in which I violate accepted standards are, in no particular order:
1. gender roles: I am a feminist.
2. mental illness: I am bipolar and have GAD.
3. weight: I am obese.
4. parenthood: I am happily childfree.
5. religion: I am an atheist.
Accept me for who I am or get out of my way.