Good to know you’re there. I hope things are going… well, going. I hope you post more soon.

I was put on Valium at ‘13′ due to what I now know to be panic attacks and anorexia. I was diagnosed with both, including depression, but never felt depressed, just ill. Since then ()I am now 47!) I have been prescribed just about every nasty toxic pill there is. There has never been one that I have been able to tolerate.

Everytime it was hell!!! Doctors and Psychiatrists never listened to what I was saying. I was ill – physically. I wanted/needed help. It cost me a divorce, behaving like a crazy person, more anorexia, cry for help suicide attempts and a choice to live a life without drugs.

Finally, I was diagnosed with C.F.S. and Fibromyalgia, I was actually so happy to have found the cause after so many years!! (I wonder if the meds had anything to do with my illness?) But although I am aware there is not a ‘cure’ yet, I carried on taking prescribed medication, more of the same. After all the years’ of taking meds you do ‘believe’ the medics and think “Oh Well, I obviously need it….it has honestly ruined my life in every area and I am so sad.

In February ‘09 I some how found the money to pay for private treatment in the hope that life could be made a little easier – instead I was taken off Citalopram, far too quickly, but would they listen, no! I was put on Cymbalta,with the promise of pain relief, improved mood and sleep, who could resist?! I felt so ill that I ended up on 120mg, they added Clonazepam along side the valium and Zolpidem. Told me to take more codeine and some other weird pain med, until I spent 4 lost days – hallucinating and feeling like I couldn’t wake up from a ‘trip’ The only person who actually gave me the time of day was a very helpful Pharmacist, who went out of her way big time. She and I came to the same conclusion, valium for over 30 yrs not a good thing and to be on so many meds at once was the icing on the drug company’s giant very expensive cake!!

Back again to the Prof,(I really assumed he would know what was best!?) But along with all the other so called medical profession didn’t take into account my medical history, didn’t seem particularly concerned at what I had to say, only wanted to put me straight on to a Dopamine Agonist, I told him that I had already tried one and it made me very poorly… and send another invoice! 14 mins of his time all for £150!!!

I have been off Cymbalta for 2 weeks now and still the withdrawal hell continues, almost as if I am still taking it! I have made things worse by stopping the Clonazepam, reducing the valium a little. As for the C.F.S. and Fibro, well it is worse than it has ever been and if I hadn’t been able to find various forums packed with so many people going through the same, I don’t know what I would have done.

I am not going to take another antidepressant and I hope to get off valium some how? But how do the medical profession be made to face the reality of what they prescribe and the drug comps must be made to be more honest. There should also be a proper contingency plan to help us withdraw safely. I rang a Drug Line and was told that I would have more support if I were withdrawing from cocaine or something similar? I can see why drug addiction is so difficult and emphasise with anyone, not matter what drug they take, legal or not.

A naive question…but why does everything always have to boil down to money? What is the point of any GP taking a vow of care to their patients? They lie by omission, we deserve to know the facts. (I do however realise that for some, these drugs have been the only answer to their problems)

I have recently asked so many questions, I feel I am fairly well informed, which they must be aware of, yet still they lie’, avoid explanation of what I am going through and in doing so cause further upset and fear! I am scared!

Does anyone know where I could find help in withdrawing from Diazepam?

Also, I continue to have VIVID/FRIGHTENING dreams that really do seem as if I am in my very own movie, but can’t press ’stop’ I am sweating, but icy cold at the same time, every little bit of exertion kills me. My BP is nowmally low eg. 103/63 but is now 140/67 – I took it myself and also a Pharmacist took it. I rang my GP who didn’t even consider it worth checking. Why? Throughout the nightmare of the last 4 months despite asking for my bloods to be checked, they refuse. Why? I even offered to pay. Has any one had similar effects? I am still getting the brain zaps which really hurt, brain and eye conection is way out! There are so many.!!

All the other effects still much the same, but I suppose having been continually on these meds except for about 4 years when I had my daughter, I have been in continual withdrawal. I can’t help wondering how life could have been?

What really is so hard to understand is that those close to me don’t seem to want to. It hurts so much. My husband said earlier that no one would want to live with some one ill like me…..how charming. Like I have/had a choice. He has some potentionally serious health problems, but refuses to deal with them. I have really tried to support him and find the answers. What I would give to be able to sort myself out as easily as he could?!!

Well that’s me done, I could go on and on…..the language would be a lot worse I can tell you.

I wish for you all what I wish for myself to have a chance to have a life, less pain, more understanding and to do some of the ordinary day to day things that so many take for granted. I never will again!

Thanks for the sharing, without which I can’t imagine getting through this on my own!!!

Sally