Fun in a Wheelchair

Yesterday was The Big Day. We went to the Point Defiance Zoo and Aquarium, and I used a wheelchair for the first time. I rode between the exhibits, and got out of the chair to see the animals and feed the goats. As far as other people’s reactions, well, nothing happened. There might have been some nasty looks, but I wouldn’t know. Everyone was right-I was much too excited to notice.

I want to share some of my fun. My two favorites:

It’s so great to get out of the apartment! I was petting Bumble this morning and couldn’t figure out what was wrong with my hands. My usual pasty hue was gone, and they had turned a stunning shade of brown. I was wondering if the color change was a side effect of the inflammatory problems I have, when I had a shocking realization:

I GOT SOME SUN! It really has been a long time since I’ve been out.

Monday Bunny Blogging

Fraud in a wheelchair

Blue has a post up that deals with expectations about people in wheelchairs. Here’s her description of a “humorous” video:

So here’s some YouTube video of a Brazilian Candid-Camera-type show where pranks are pulled on unsuspecting passersby. This five-and-a-half minute clip shows a man in a clunky manual wheelchair at the corner of a busy urban intersection. After enlisting someone to help push him across the street, the man stages a tumble out of his chair in the middle of the crosswalk. People rush to help, dragging him fully across the street and attempting to help him into the chair again. At that point the man stands up on his own, revealing that the whole drama and his disability are a prank. Over and over again, throughout the clip, these tricked pedestrians turn violent with the actor, and several times he runs to avoid real injury and assault.

Blue later says:

I can’t help wondering how someone with legitimate impairments would be treated in the exact same situation, given that we sometimes get assistance thrust upon us unwanted, and given that not all people in wheelchairs are completely unable to stand or even walk.

This is a timely post for me. At this point, due to my limited ability to walk, I’m virtually apartment-bound. I can stand, and I can walk for short distances. But those distances add up-my body remembers how much walking I’ve done on a given day. If I do too much, I will pay for it in pain, exhaustion, and less ability to do anything for days. J has the day off work on Monday, and had just about talked me into going somewhere that would require a lot of walking. I’d have to use a wheelchair, and I don’t know if I can do it.

Most of my guilt surrounds those who use wheelchairs and who cannot move like I can. Who am I to be using a wheelchair when they must use one? But Blue’s post brings up another worry: who am I to use a wheelchair when doing so may hurt people who are obligated to use wheelchairs? When I need something, I can stand up. If my partner needs a break, I can walk for a bit. When people see that, aren’t they going to make assumptions about all people with disabilities? Those assumptions won’t be positive.

Update: wording changed to give the impression my head isn’t shoved up my butt

Monday Bunny Blogging

It’s so rude to take pictures of someone when they’re eating!

Sorry for the poor quality of the pictures-he moves a lot when eating.

No Illegal Humans, Part 2

Today, The Seattle Times reported that

The U.S. Department of Homeland Security will approve Washington state’s pilot project for use of enhanced driver’s licenses, rather than passports, by Americans crossing the border into British Columbia

This plan will make it more affordable, therefore easier, for Americans to travel to British Columbia. It is my fervent wish that every white American traveling from the U.S. to any other country would be treated the way Americans treat Mexicans trying to cross into the U.S.

Detained by border agent. Source: New York Times

There would be two important benefits to this plan. If white Americans experienced discrimination and brutality firsthand, then maybe we would do something about the way Mexicans, Central Americans, and South Americans are treated by the Border Patrol, the U.S. government, and the American people.

Holding room in Yuma. Source: New York Times

In addition, we must consider the safety and integrity of the countries to which white Americans travel. I can’t think of a group of people who have demonstrated that they are more dangerous, more destructive, or more selfish than white Americans. Don’t say you haven’t been warned.

No Illegal Humans

Plainsfeminist and Brownfemipower have done a lot of work to let us know what we can do to help the people targeted by Immigration and Customs Enforcement in New Bedford, MA. Then Donna posted exactly the type of message I needed to read to kick my butt into gear. That, and the video that bfp posted here, which everyone needs to watch, made me need to puke. Thanks to Plainsfeminist, Bfp, and Donna for getting the word out!

Please take action.

Monday Bunny Blogging

Training the Human
Every day, at 4 o’clock, Bumble gets dinner (yummy pellets). Every day, at 3 o’clock, Bumble hops to his bowl, sits down, and waits. If I look in his direction, he stares at me.

If I fail to respond by feeding him, he pulls hay out of the storage drawer and chews it while staring at me.

On cleaning day, Bumble gets a fresh bowl, but it isn’t put out until dinnertime, so he has to make do with sitting in the general vicinity of where his bowl belongs and staring at me.

I’ve never captured this, but on days when he’s decided I’m almost too stupid to teach, he will stare at me, wait for me to make eye contact, dip his nose into his bowl, (“I put my nose in here and pretend to eat my dinner. GET IT?”) and then stare at me again. I’m really grateful he can’t talk on those days.

Blog Against Sexism Day 2007

I forgot to promote Blog Against Sexism Day. It’s tomorrow, March 8th!

Please consider participating.

Visit the original post to let vegankid know that you want to participate. Then write a post tomorrow! That’s all there is to it. See you tomorrow!

Belated Bunny Blogging

I’m sorry I’m late! It wasn’t my fault. Never trust a human to do anything on time. I got dinner late tonight by 2 minutes!

Marriage, Part One

Full disclosure: I’m writing an anti-marriage essay. I’ve been happily, sappily married for 10 years. Hey, we all have demons.

Feminism has achieved significant improvements for women in marriage*. It’s no longer legal to batter your wife, and in many places, it’s illegal to rape her. Women have property rights and can get divorced. Despite these important gains, marriage has not changed in its destructive impact on women.

What is the purpose of marriage? In spite of advertising’s message, it isn’t romantic love. The purpose of marriage is to raise children. The state and society believe this goal is reached best by maintaining traditional gender roles. That is, men are human and do things, women are caretakers of their husbands and children. Sure, women can work, have friends, and even have (suitably feminine) hobbies, but their true function is serving others. Gender roles are enforced from birth (prenatally if the sex of the baby is known), and marriage is the formal implementation of those roles. In other words, a woman cannot escape her assigned function.

Let’s look at a really basic example. The huge wedding industry targets women, not men. As if it was still 1950, marriage is considered a prize for a woman and a trap for a man. Therefore, women have to cajole/lure/trap men into marriage. Women are willing to do this because marriage is their ultimate reward in life. Well, babies are their ultimate reward, but there’s still strong societal pressure to be married when having children.** Given the facts of marriage-what women and men gain and lose from marriage-it seems clear that men are the winners. After marriage, both women and men give up variety in their sex partners, women get financial help from their spouse, men get financial help their spouse, and someone to look after their every need, as well as raise their children. But society, reflected in advertisers, sees women as the big winners:

The fact that marriage, as a smaller model of society, offers nothing but a trap for women is demonstrated by the bride-to-be’s choice in names. Before getting married, women must choose whether to keep their last name, take their husband’s name, or hyphenate the names. Many women think taking your husband’s last name is decidedly anti-feminist. Now, I don’t want to ruffle any feathers, but I’m afraid I’m going to. The choice available to women over names is a false choice.

Taking your husband’s name is seen by many feminists as losing your identity and becoming an appendage of your husband. Fair enough. But keeping your “maiden” name is not maintaining your individual identity, it’s retaining the name you inherited from your father only, remember? It’s a typical patriarchal issue: you can’t win either way. One might argue that a man could change his last name to his wife’s last name as a gesture to marital equality. Silly one, the state is far ahead of you in keeping control.

The enforcement of gender roles is one of marriage’s most harmful consequences. The same problems-living mindlessly according to assigned gender roles-can and do occur in couples who are living together, but at least cohabiting involves some flexible thinking: “I’m not going to get married just because everyone expects me to.” Getting married means, on many levels, buying into sex roles established long ago: boys do things, and girls take care of everyone. Marriage is an antiquated institution that promotes, supports, and enforces gender roles. As such, it must die a terrible death.

Coming soon: Part 2 The larger implications of marriage

* My focus is on heterosexual marriage in the U.S.
** Ask any single mother how she’s treated if you need proof.