Thank You!

Really, THANK YOU!

I’ve been in a low place. I started to read Woman Hating by Andrea Dworkin, and I couldn’t process what was written on the book jacket cover, the friggin book jacket, and I started to cry. I’ll take the pain, I’ll take the fatigue from hell, and I’ll take all the weird symptoms, but I can’t handle not being able to read.

I’ve only been blogging since mid February of this year, so it’s just amazing to me that I’ve already found a community of bloggers I care so much about, and who, when I’m in trouble, show up and give heartfelt support and encouragement. I read your comments and emails and started to cry, in a good way. Just thinking about your response gets me weepy, because I am so touched by your kindness.

Finding the best way to deal with these problems may take some time, so I’m focusing on learning how to be productive in spite of them. I’ve been reading your blogs and even commenting some. I hope to start posting somewhat regularly, but frankly, I’m a little worried about putting up posts or comments that are literally nonsense. I hope someone will tell me if I do that!

Bah, this post was supposed to be about all of you, and it ended up being me me me. I’m very annoying that way when I don’t feel well.

So really, thank you so much for all of your support. It means so much to me, and it helps more than I can say.

Monday Bunny Blogging

How long does a clean apartment last?

a few seconds after cleaning

a few minutes after cleaning

a few hours after cleaning

Why is being extremely messy so much fun?
1) You can make a tiara.
2) It just is.

Brain Malfunction

I took this post down and edited it because the first version bothered me. I don’t know if I’m going to be active in blogging or reading blogs for the next little while. I’m having health problems, but what’s most upsetting is that I’m so foggy/fuzzy/whatever the opposite of clear-headed is. I can’t write worth anything right now (have to re-type sentences repeatedly to be able to say what I want to say), and much, much worse, I’m having trouble reading. That’s just unacceptable. I’ve been to many of your blogs, and I just can’t process what you’re saying. This situation is making me very cranky.

This fogginess has been cycling-some days are really bad, and then some days I can actually read for at least a little while. So I might not end up taking any break at all, just end up lying low when it’s really bad, like today.

I want to end on a good note. Here are some pictures of beings and things that make me happy.

HAPPINESS IS:

Andrea Dworkin

the Kentia/Sentry palm

Lithobid, a non-nauseating form of lithium
(note: It doesn’t induce happiness. Not being suicidal = happiness.)

Yellow, the most wonderful color

IMO, moose are one of the most under-appreciated animals.

Blogging Friends

This picture is a joke. Do you get why it’s included?
(Unfortunately, it requires a knowledge of American pop culture.)

Monday Bunny Blogging

Play hard, sleep hard, rest hard

He’s just sleeping, he really is alive

Recovering after the power nap

Reverent Racism Is Still Racism

Brownfemipower wrote about being labeled exotic. Then piny put up a good post on how “exotic” is not a compliment. So far, so good. There are some good comments on the post, but there are also these:

Or it says, “Good for you for not conforming to the standard beauty norm. I, for one, admire that and find it attractive.”

Brownfemipower clearly stated that the reason she was labeled exotic was because of her black hair. The person wasn’t admiring her refusal to conform to beauty standards, she was making a point of bfp’s other status.

I quite often wish I could be “exotic” instead of “ordinary white girl.”

People of color quite often wish they could be treated as fully human. You can make this statement and take this perspective because you have the privilege of being an “ordinary white girl”. It’s easy for us white people to think and say things like this because we can afford to think about looks while ignoring lives.

When people say “exotic,” it’s not a label of Otherness insofar as it’s spoken reverently. People don’t call homosexuals “exotic” — the word isn’t used interchangeably with “different” or “odd.” It very obviously has positive connotation. Now, we can vivisect the semiotic, but I’m quite sure that there’s no inherent racism or sexism here.

Bullshit! It is entirely possible to be reverent, or think you’re being reverent, while still being racist. You’re putting a woman of color on the spot and announcing that she doesn’t fit the standard. You think you’re admiring her. What you’re actually doing is making a big deal out of her difference from you. You may say that her difference is good/neat/wonderful, but you’re making that difference central to your interaction. By labeling a woman of color “exotic” you are separating her from the standard, which is whiteness. After all, you can’t have an exotic without having a standard.

It’s amazing that the third commenter is quite sure there’s no racism or sexism in this situation. What does it take to make one think she can make pronouncements about people she’s never met and a situation she didn’t experience? Bfp, you can just relax, because total strangers have decreed that a) exotic is a compliment, and b) there was no racism in the remark.

I guess there’s nothing to worry about.

Liberals Do NOT Have My Back

I used to be a liberal feminist, but I embraced radical feminism as the method that really addressed problems facing women. Liberal feminism let me down. The same thing happend in broader political terms. I used to consider myself as being a liberal, or more likely, a progressive. But liberals let me down. It saddened me when I had to walk away from liberalism.

Why would I do that, you ask? After all, I certainly am no conservative. This story is a perfect example of the reasons why I finally accepted I can’t be a liberal. For a great analysis of the story, go here.

What’s the story? Briefly, John Aravosis, a liberal, wrote a post criticizing republican senator Pat Roberts’ stance on civil liberties by calling him a “big girl”*. People objected to this slam, and Aravosis reacted by attacking people for objecting, and deleting comments that criticized him. Shakes Sis posted one of his comments:

NOTE FROM JOHN: After all, what’s really important about what I wrote isn’t that we’re losing our civil liberties as our democracy disappears, but rather, that you’re offended by the use of gay vernacular. Thanks for helping us keep the eye on the ball.

Well, golly, John. It must really suck to lose civil liberties. I bet you’d be really unhappy if YOU DIDN’T HAVE BASIC RIGHTS IN THE FIRST PLACE. John believes his concern about civil liberties entitles him to step on women. How is he not choking on the irony? Why doesn’t everyone in the blogosphere see what a perfect example this is for the failings of liberals? Liberals behave as if women’s rights are a “side” issue, a “special interest”, and take attention from the really important battles. Marginalizing women is the antithesis of liberalism. If you’re going to behave this way, then you need to admit you’re a conservative.

It’s the same old, tired, story: liberal men want women to shut up and not interfere with the political battles they’re waging. Women can work on the campaign, but we shouldn’t expect any of “our” issues to interfere with the real problems. Femicide, rape, and domestic violence are not worthy of being mainstream issues. All of these reasons are why I am no longer a liberal. I’m sick of trying to change things from the inside-it just doesn’t work. And I’m way past fighting alongside people who don’t have my back.

*I’m assuming that you understand why “big girl” is offensive. In case you don’t: calling any male a “girl”, a “pussy”, or a “lady” is the worst possible insult. By equating a man or a boy with a female, you are reducing him to her lowly status. This insult is possible because women are less than men in our culture.

My Indoor Garden

As a long-time apartment dweller, I haven’t been able to have a garden. I tried to have an indoor garden years ago, but was hampered by the fact that a) my family never gardened so I didn’t know what I was doing and b) I got (clinically) depressed right after I started the garden, and stopped caring for my little seedlings. The seedlings slowly withered and died.

Adopting a rabbit was a great motivator to try again. Bunnies will eat as many herbs and greens as you give them. You don’t want to let them have an unlimited amount unless you want to end up with a nasty case of poopy butt (the rabbit, not you).

The first plant I tried to grow was cilantro, Bumble’s favorite herb. I still have a few problems with it-my seedlings’ stems droop sideways onto the soil, then grow straight up. The adult plants have tons of leaves, look and taste great, so I’m just considering the drooping part of their personality. However, I’d appreciate ANY input as to why they do this strange thing. You can’t see the drooping in this picture-it’s easiest to see in a really young plant.

Just this week, I’ve taken a big step, and I’m trying to grow lettuce indoors. I planted green leaf, red leaf, buttercrunch, and romaine lettuce. They germinated in only 3 days! But now I’m faced with something I’ve struggled with since the beginning: thinning the seedlings. Does anyone else have trouble with this? I’m so thrilled to see the little stems and seed leaves after they’ve pushed through the soil. Then, after they’ve done this amazing thing, I’m supposed to just chop some of them off. It really hurts my feelings.

In tiny voices: Please don’t kill me!

[Edit, I'm really not joking or being sarcastic about having trouble with "thinning" the seedlings. It really hurts my feelings to kill the extra seedlings.]

Teaching Racism, Or Not

When I was very young, my white neighborhood was scandalized because a Black Family moved in. My parents were especially horrified because The Black Family moved in right next door! I was too young to understand what was happening, but as I grew older, I was taught very important things. Our neighborhood was no longer nice because of The Black Family. The Black Family had a pool in their backyard-critical for surviving St. Louis summers. No one in the neighborhood could afford a swimming pool, so everyone concluded The Black Family must have done something Bad in order to have one. The Black Family was different from the rest of us. I was five years old, and all my family talked about was how bad, nasty, and dirty Black people were.

My home life was cruel, judging, and unaffectionate. I was lonely, and starved for kindness and adult attention. I spent quite some time trying to work up the nerve to speak to the woman in The Black Family, Mrs. C. When I finally spoke to her, she didn’t yell at me and she listened to what I had to say. In no time at all, I was plaguing Mrs. C. I spent as much time with her as possible, talking nonstop. She talked with me, she gave me cookies and milk, and she let me play near her while she worked. Mrs. C treated me like no other person did, with respect and friendship.

My mother saw me coming home from Mrs. C’s house and was furious. She’d had no idea that I was spending time with The Black Family. My mom yelled at me and told me to never go over there again. So I started sneaking over to Mrs. C’s house. I’ve never been a sneaky person, and I was quickly caught. Besides yelling at me for disobeying her, my mother gave me several arguments why I shouldn’t go to Mrs. C’s house: Black people were different, they were dishonest, they were bad. I’ve always been stubborn, and I stood my ground, telling my mother how wrong she was. The fight wound up as ugly as it started:

mom: You will not spend time with n******!.

me: Mrs. C is my friend and I will spend time with her!

mom: Slaps me hard across the face.

me: (Crying) Mrs. C never hits anyone for having a friend!

I don’t remember exactly what happened after that fight, I just know that I didn’t see Mrs.C very often anymore. I’m so grateful to her. She provided the kind, friendly attention that I craved. But just as importantly, she counteracted all the ugly things I heard at home and at school. As a White American, I cannot say that I’m not a racist-my privilege prevents that from being the truth. But due to Mrs. C, I am not the racist my family attempted to raise, and for that most of all, I’m grateful.

Still A Baby Vessel

TNG at Neural Gourmet emailed me about this story today:

New federal guidelines ask all females capable of conceiving a baby to treat themselves — and to be treated by the health care system — as pre-pregnant, regardless of whether they plan to get pregnant anytime soon.

Oh, where to begin? I’ll start by stating the obvious: prenatal care is essential. If these experts really cared about healthy pregnancies, and healthy newborns, then all prenatal care would be FREE. But that’s another post. For now, let’s take a look at the message in these guidelines.

All women are “pre-pregnant”? What’s most imporant about any woman is that she could conceive at any moment. Back away from her, she could be conceiving right before your eyes! Could the people who designed these guidelines not grasp the implications of their statement? Women already exist as sex objects. Implementing a standard for medical professionals to treat all women as pre-pregnant literally reduces us to baby vessels.

Among other things, this means all women between first menstrual period and menopause should take folic acid supplements, refrain from smoking, maintain a healthy weight and keep chronic conditions such as asthma and diabetes under control.

As an asthmatic, I believe it’s important to keep my symptoms under control even though I will never have a child. Of course it’s important for pregnant women to be as healthy as possible. It’s also important for women who are not pregnant to be as healthy as possible. Women are valuable as individuals, regardless of their reproductive status.

While most of these recommendations are well known to women who are pregnant or seeking to get pregnant, experts say it’s important that women follow this advice throughout their reproductive lives, because about half of pregnancies are unplanned and so much damage can be done to a fetus between conception and the time the pregnancy is confirmed.

Approximately half of all pregnancies are unplanned. The logical conclusion experts draw from this fact is that all women of reproductive age must be treated as pre-pregnant. All women should be on a prenatal regimine for the safety of the fetus. Well, that’s one possible conclusion. How about a different perspective? It’s disgusting that half of all pregnancies are unplanned. How about the experts redirecting their efforts to developing safe, reliable, and affordable birth control? How about getting to a place where virtually all pregnancies are planned, so that women have the opportunity to deal with any pre-pregnancy health issues in a timely manner? No, it’s a lot easier to treat all women of reproductive age as status: pregnancy forthcoming.

Experts acknowledge that women with no plans to get pregnant in the near future may resist preconception care.

“We know that women — unless you’re actively planning [a pregnancy], . . . she doesn’t want to talk about it,” Biermann said. So clinicians must find a “way to do this and not scare women,” by promoting preconception care as part of standard women’s health care, she said.

Resistance is futile.

Maybe women don’t appreciate structuring their lives around a future pregnancy. Maybe women resent always being treated as nothing more than a uterus. Maybe women have enough other problems to deal with. Don’t worry, doctors are used to dealing with noncompliant patients.

Women should also make sure all vaccinations are up-to-date and avoid contact with lead-based paints and cat feces, Biermann said.

The report recommends that women stop smoking and discuss with their doctor the danger alcohol poses to a developing fetus.

I guess women never need to clean a litter box again. Remember, you’re pre-pregnant, so it just isn’t safe for you, dear.

I don’t know how to break the news to the experts, but lifestyle choices and environmental toxins affect men. Most importantly, they affect men’s sperm. The narrow focus on women’s lifestyle choices, and their environmental exposure to pathogens and toxins is incredibly dated. Scientists have known for some time that mutated sperm cause birth defects, and complications with pregnancy. Are the experts going to suggest we treat all men as pre-ejaculators, and develop a program to treat men accordingly?

I have a radical, yet simple idea. Let’s treat all humans as equally valuable individuals. Let’s worry about exposure to toxins on the basis that they’re damaging to everyone, including nonhuman animals. Let’s work to insure that all people are as healthy as they possibly can be, because that’s a worthy goal in and of itself. Treat each person as a valued being, work for optimal health and a healthy environment, and finally develop decent birth control. Do these things, and babies will be healthy.

Erase Racism Carnival

The fine folks over at Ally Work are hosting The Erase Racism Carnival. Please consider submitting a post, and spread the word about this new carnival.

Our theme is: What is racism? We are looking for essays/posts that describe racism, from a personal perspective, a group perspective, or at the societal level. All are welcomed to submit.

Submissions are accepted until May 18.